God Blessed Me with 2 Broken Hearts
They came from orphanages in a far off land. For one child, the back and forth motion helped stimulate her physical and emotional being as if she was rocking to the beat of a song. She cried after each 3 bottled meals a day at 9 months: One bottle of chicken broth, one bottle of tea, and lastly a bottle of bread floating in water.
There were twenty-five to thirty children per worker in a room who hardly touched them other than to change their soiled cloth diapers. This was the most attention they received for the entire day. After laying in the diaper for hours and hours, they would be stripped and rinsed off in ice cold water and left with what looked like cigarette burns below their waist and onto their bottoms from the dirty clothes.
Her sister at 27 months old, didn’t know any language or even how to crawl or walk. Tears would flow after every meal given to her. Her fears of not knowing if she would get more food frightened her and would cause her to hoard and steal if necessary.
Although they had grown in our care with love and never hungered again, they still had inner struggles of bonding along with loss and rejection. My first time bringing and leaving one of my girls into the toddler room at church quickly came to an end as my youngest threw her head onto the floor, banging repeatedly and loudly into the ground with crying desperation to take her away from this place. I had not realized the situation I put her into.
Each one came with their own set of complexities as well as their own coping skills. It would be a long road ahead of them.
As the years flew by, the trust grew but there were still painful memories for one and for the other, difficulty in emotionally bonding. With both attempting to find peace, acceptance, and a belonging to fill this deep emptiness, they reached out to other places that only brought more devastation and hurt into their life.
For a long time I had always wondered why couldn’t God give me children without struggles and pain and sadness? Why couldn’t they have been well adjusted children that were like all the others?
But you see, God knew I would be the perfect fit for them. Because, even though I wasn’t adopted, I understood what it felt like being rejected, hurt and sad when I was growing up. Would another mother who hadn’t gone through those issues of suicidal tendencies, feeling unloved and unwanted understand them? I often felt like I wasn’t good enough to help them. But they have shown me that I was enough.
As long as my love was constant and never unwavering, truthful and devoted, committed and unconditional, they would find wholeness and freedom in this love. And who better to teach me? God. Because He showed me that same unwavering and unconditional love when I was as my lowest, hurting, and with feelings of worthlessness.
Several years ago it was the worst for my girls. But it was also the best. God began the healing process and it started with a parent who was willing to go the distance no matter how difficult, and staying faithful along the way no matter how bleak it may have looked.
Do you have a teen with a broken heart? Your burden is God’s burden too. He will give you hope in the midst of despair. I know, because I’ve been there.
Yes, God blessed me with two broken hearts who are now finding healing in their journey of purpose as well as finding my purpose in their life.
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